“Why do I need help to sort my life out? After all it’s my life, I should be able to do it.” This question comes up a lot when speaking with clients. On the surface it seems rational, a person does have all the resources they need to live their life successfully.
They are, on the whole good at getting things done and motivating themselves etc. They can make good choices and they can fix their own problems. Except when they can’t…
Often clients come to me after a good deal of time struggling with their life circumstances, they may have experienced a period of prolonged depression, or have problems with feeling anxious. It’s at these times particularly that the client struggles to help themselves.
When you’re struggling to maintain a good mood, or feel both helpless and hopeless, it’s virtually impossible to get yourself motivated, and connect with the resources you need to become unstuck.
What’s required is someone, anyone, with an outside perspective that can empathise with you and help you begin to see things differently. Someone who can see past the immediacy of the problem and help you to see that too.
Otherwise, your focus begins to revolve around the problem and the more you struggle the deeper you get - It’s a bit like psychological quicksand.
We’re social creatures and our species has flourished based on community and connection with others. We’re designed for social contact and to support each other, so why would we isolate ourselves at the time we need that connection the most? I doesn’t really make sense, but we do none the less.
Usually because we don’t want to be a burden, or because we erroneously think we should be able to do it all ourselves. Truth is we can’t do it all ourselves, and we’re never a burden, we just think those things and then act as if it’s true.
If you’re struggling with life in any way at the moment, stop trying to do it all yourself. Reach out to a friend, loved one, or even a professional resource. You’re not in this alone, you never are, all it takes is a willingness to open up and connect, reach out.
